25-year-old woman walks out when her boyfriend proposes on the day of her law school graduation: 'I felt like he hijacked a day that was meant to celebrate my success'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 13, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Everyone knows you shouldn't propose on your partner's big day. You are a bad guy if you propose to your girlfriend at your brother's wedding. If you propose at your girlfriend's mother's funeral, you are simultaneously a bad guy and a bad guy with a creatively sinister mind. If you propose at your girlfriend's law school graduation, you're making a pretty bad decision. Only so many "big days" come up in our lives, and if you're trying to double up on them, you're undermining the original purpose of that big day. You can easily propose a month after graduations, weddings, or Christmases, and it would make the experience so much better. While there might be some people who would love their partners to propose to them on their graduation day (like people who don't really care much about the proper ceremony), this law school graduate was not one of them. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10415640576
    via Chichi Onyekanne

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for walking out of my own proposal because my boyfriend made my graduation all about him?
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 03
    This happened a few days ago, and I'm still struggling to wrap my head around it. I (25F) recently graduated from law school, a massive milestone I worked incredibly hard for. It took years of sacrifice, long nights, and plenty of stress to get through it all. So, my graduation was a huge moment, not just for me, but for my family and friends who supported me along the way. We planned a big celebration, and I was really excited to just enjoy the day with everyone who helped me get here.
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 04
    My boyfriend Tim (28M) knew how important this day was. He's been with me through a lot of the tough times and has always been really supportive. The days leading up to the ceremony, he was acting a bit secretive, which I thought was him planning something sweet, like a dinner or a small surprise to celebrate. I figured he'd do something thoughtful, but I wasn't expecting what actually happened. After the ceremony, we were at a reception with my family and friends, enjoying the moment. I was so
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 05
    nowhere, he got down on one knee and started proposing. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Tim, and I do want to marry him. But in that moment, all I could think was, "Why now?" He didn't say anything about my graduation, my hard work, or how proud he was of me. The entire speech was about how we were meant to be together, how happy he was to finally "lock me down," and how it was the perfect time for him to propose. It felt like he was making the day about him and our relationship, rather than the
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 06
    to be special, but not on the same day I was supposed to be celebrating my graduation. I felt like he hijacked a day that was meant to celebrate my success. Overwhelmed, I quietly left the room to process everything. Tim found me a little later, furious. He said I embarrassed him in front of everyone and that I should've just said yes. I told him how upset I was that he chose that moment to propose, and that I felt like he turned my big day into something about him. He didn't seem to understand
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 07
    Some of my friends think I overreacted and that I should've been happy about the proposal, but I just can't shake this feeling of being overshadowed. My family is split..my mom gets why I'm upset, but my dad thinks I should've gone along with it and talked to Tim afterward. I'm left wondering if this was just a case of bad timing or if it's a sign of something deeper about how Tim views our relationship. So, AITA for walking out on my own proposal because I felt like Tim made my graduation all a
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 08
    Marialnconnu Proposals should never be public unless the person being proposed to has specifically said they want friends/family/strangers involved. And that "accept in public, recant in private" thing is utter BS.
    via u/Marialnconnu
  • 09
    shootingstarstuff He fully intended to make it impossible for her to say no.
    via u/shootingstarstuff
  • 10
    ghostoftommyknocker The day was supposed to celebrate all the work you'd successfully done to set yourself up for a rewarding career. To your boyfriend, however, it was the earliest opportunity for him to finally "lock you down" into the future he wants you to have.
    via u/ghostoftommyknocker
  • 11
    You're right. This event was all about him. Your achievements are meaningless beyond that which benefits him. This gathering? Its true purpose was irrelevent because it could be repurposed into something that benefits him. The night becomes about his proposal instead of your graduation. The future everyone discusses is about your wedding and marriage and not about your career options.
    via u/ghostoftommyknocker
  • 12
    At the very moment you're supposed to be celebrating the wealth of opportunities now opened to you because you now have a new identity that is "qualified lawyer", he instantly reduces it all down to a single opportunity that rewrites your identity to "future wife".
    via u/ghostoftommyknocker
  • 13
    Even now, you turning him down is all about him. How you embarrassed him. How you hurt him. How you had no right to turn him down. There is so little self- awareness and so little empathy for you, your achievements, wants and needs that I can't believe this is the first time he's downplayed, tried to control or sabotaged something meant for you and made it about himself instead.
    via u/ghostoftommyknocker
  • 14
    What you need to ask yourself is whether his selfisness, self-absorption and sabotage here is a one-off or just the latest in a pattern of behaviour that has escalated enough for you to finally notice? NTA. While he believes you've ruined his day, remember that he is the one who ruined your day.
    via u/ghostoftommyknocker
  • 15
    Shichimi88 Nta. Lock you down? Makes him seem like a gold digger.
    via u/Shichimi88
  • 16
    Beautiful-Routine489 Or if not a gold digger, then a "must control this woman now so she doesn't get a big head" which is WAY worse.
    via u/Beautiful-Routine489
  • 17
    Least-Designer7976 Especially after a graduation of a woman who cares a lot about her education. There's a bit of "Now that she's fully at her best, thriving and independant, I'm gonna put that gorgeous bird in MY cage" vibe.
    via u/Least-Designer7976
  • 18
    YouSayWotNow Some of my friends think I overreacted and that I should've been happy about the proposal, but I just can't shake this feeling of being overshadowed. Some people are so desperate to live a fairytale that they don't actually stop and think about how your boyfriend's timing turned a day that should have been 100% about your achievements into something as much about him. That's not okay. If they can't see that, it's on them, not you.
    via u/YouSayWotNow
  • 19
    As for your boyfriend, seems like he doesn't get it because he doesn't seem to understand that you are not just an extension of him and his life track. He's so focused on his own embarrassment he can't even find space to consider your point of view. Not a great look for him, frankly, even if he is embarrassed or hurt. ΝΤΑ
    via u/YouSayWotNow
  • 20
    Aware Scratch7439 OP That is what I said like I have no problem with marrying him but choosing the day which I considered important to propose and then making it all about him was where I saw the red flag
    via u/Aware_Scratch7439
  • 21
    Ok-Ad3906 NTA, OP. I absolutely understand; I've also dealt with this for years, from various people. Do NOT marry him. This will happen forever, any time you have an achievement or accomplishment. Best wishes and CONGRATULATIONS on your graduation!!!
    via u/Ok-Ad3906

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boyfriend law school proposals school graduation university lawyer marriage proposal graduate proposal relationships girlfriend Lawyers toxic relationship college
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